Sleep may be one of the most natural things we do. And yet, if you’ve read anything about the topic lately, you might be convinced you’re doing it wrong. If you want to wake up refreshed, you “need” to stop using screens by a certain time, go to bed at the same exact minute every night, and do countless other things. Sure, some of these sleep hygiene tips and hacks are practical and useful, but the existence of “sleep rules” can also backfire, leading to worse sleep.

The more you worry, Am I getting enough sleep? Is it high-quality sleep? Should I try melatonin or magnesium? AND WHICH TYPE OF MAGNESIUM?!, the more stress and anxiety you may feel. And that only makes good sleep harder to come by.

Luckily, you can shift your mindset and improve your sleep. “Changing how you think about sleep can help you set realistic expectations for it, and that can help reduce stress surrounding sleep,” says Julia Kogan, PsyD, a sleep specialist and neuropsychologist based in Chicago.

Here, we explore the importance of sleep mindset and ways to improve your perspective.

What is sleep mindset and how does it affect sleep?

Sleep mindset is a term that encompasses your beliefs, attitudes, and values related to sleep. It can show up in our lives in different ways, including: 

• The belief that if something needs to be sacrificed on a super-busy day, it will be sleep.
• The expectation that you must get eight hours of sleep to be rested.
• The thought that waking up in the middle of the night is abnormal.

Over time, assumptions like these can contribute to sleep anxiety. Worrying about your sleep at night may trigger a stress response, Kogan says, and as most of us know, an activated, ruminating mind can be difficult to silence. Anxiety can cause you to stay alert, tossing, turning, and repeatedly checking your clock to see how little sleep you’re going to end up getting.

Most impactfully, this process can create a maladaptive cycle. “A component of chronic sleep problems for a lot of people is this sleep worry,” Kogan says. “It’s tricky because worries are natural, but they also cause more stress, and more stress makes it harder to sleep.”

On the other hand, cultivating a healthy relationship with sleep — one that’s flexible, non-pressured, and free from anxiety — can improve sleep quality.

How to improve your sleep mindset

Adjusting your sleep mindset involves letting go of ingrained beliefs and reframing your worries. The following may help you approach sleep with a more relaxed perspective:

1. Let go of expectations.
   Everyone needs a different amount of sleep. The recommendation for adults is at least seven hours per night, but that is variable, some of which is genetic. So forget the guidelines.

2. Approach sleep trackers with caution.
   Some people find them helpful, but if the data makes you frustrated or obsessive, it may help to rely on internal external cues of a well-slept night. Consider how you feel when you wake up, Kogan says. If you’re refreshed and ready-to-go, you had a good amount of sleep for you.

3. Embrace the fact that sleep changes.
   Sometimes life calls for staying up late for a social function or work responsibility. Or you may be in a season of sleep disruption, as can happen when you have a baby or small kids. Some of that is fun, some may be necessary, but these sleep shifts are also a product of life. Research on people who are categorized as “normal” sleepers has found that sleep patterns can fluctuate weekly — or daily. And while consistency in sleep promotes health and performance, it’s not always realistic. In those instances, “catching up” on sleep by napping or sleeping in an extra hour when you can may help offset some of the negative effects of a not-great night. 

4. Trust that your body can lead you to sleep. 
   Sometimes you can rely on your body’s natural biological processes to get you what you need. This does not mean that sleep hygiene (like limiting screen time before bed, sleeping in a cool, dark room, and getting physical activity during the day) isn’t important. However, your body does a lot of the work through a process called homeostatic sleep drive. This sleep “pressure” builds when you’re awake and helps you drift off at night. Then it decreases throughout the night until you wake up again. If you can’t fall asleep or you wake during the night, trust your body to get you back to sleep when it’s ready.

5. Don’t force it. 
   If you’re wide awake, try reading a book, meditating, or another calming activity until you feel more sleepy. It may help to leave the bedroom, rather than stare at the ceiling worrying. Getting out of bed can be like a refresh button for your homeostatic sleep drive, reminding your body there’s still pressure in that sleep tank.

6. Bring perspective to catastrophizing.
   It’s common to catastrophize when you can’t sleep. In fact, these types of catastrophic thoughts may be a component of insomnia. But we often overstate the impact a less-than-ideal night will have on our next-day functioning, and these stressed-out conclusions are often inaccurate. Kogan recommends reframing. For example, rather than thinking, If I don’t get to sleep, my whole day is ruined tomorrow, try, One night won’t make or break me. “Think back to previous nights where you didn’t get the best sleep. Was the whole day ruined? Did you forget how to speak?” Kogan asks. “You will probably be tired tomorrow, and it’s okay that you don’t like the fact that you’re not sleeping now, but it’s helpful to maintain perspective.”

7. Seek help if you need it. 
   If sleep problems regularly happen a couple times per week and cause an issue with next-day functioning, performance, or mood, talk to a healthcare provider. “Part of the sleep mindset is this belief that we will always have trouble sleeping and that nothing can change it. But so much can be done,” Kogan says.

The Tone Take: Sleep mindset is just as important — if not more so — than sleep hygiene

Your beliefs, attitudes, and values about sleep can either help or hurt your efforts to sleep well. If  you find yourself stressing about sleep, it may help to take a step back, reduce your reliance on trackers and hacks, and trust your body. It knows how to sleep, and one night of “bad” rest may make you tired and foggy the next day, but it isn’t the end of the world.